Thursday, January 31, 2008

tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

I did a lot of this today. Don't get excited. I don't have a job. I'm just giving my mother a little transcription hand with some stuff for her. This will at least get me some food money, I think. I'm not hating. But I was hating how this doctor would spell words like "spotty" and "ease" for me, but not spell the names of certain kinds of antibiotics. I don't know what kind of retard he thinks I am. I guess an autistic one. Retarded asides from my amazing ability to spell long medical words.

I don't know. I got through it. Thanks Google, you're a life saver. Gizmo was weird today. I know I don't normally use a laptop, but I didn't think it was cause for him to stare at me while I worked half the day. Moreover, I didn't appreciate him jumping into my seat every time I got up to change whatever awful song my itunes picked out.

Despite all the Gizmo related distraction, I got it all done. I probably shouldn't have done it all in one day and saved a little to do tomorrow to keep myself busy, but once I got started I just wanted to finish it. I wish I could have a transcription job. As frustrating as it can be, I rather do that than work at Target or wait on tables or something. I hate all the places I applied to that haven't responded. I think Mest said it best when they said, "what's the dillio?" As if Mest every said anything best. But you get what I mean.

Anyway, overall, today sucked. This new sleep medication tastes terrible, doesn't really work, leaves me feeling so groggy the next day, and possibly is giving me nightmares. It's working about as good as NyQuil, actually. Biggest waste of money ever. Might even be a bigger waste of money than the laptop my mom got my dad for Christmas. And I definitely didn't think that could be topped around here. But, yo, how was your day?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

duh, we're the deadbeat club

This shirt is crazy. I turned it inside out to wear it today. Not because I was trying to hide any possibly embarrassing band names; sometimes I wear my clothes inside out (the sweatshirt I have on right now is inside out). I don't know why. Sometimes shirts are cooler inside out. Especially if they're printed a certain way. Anyway, this shirt messed with my mind because it's inside out, but when I would look at myself in the mirror, I could read it. I'm fully aware of the reversal that happens when you're looking in the mirror, but it definitely made me look down at my shirt in confusion a few times. I was doubting myself. I nearly doubted that the shirt was inside out. It was playing eye tricks on me! And to think, this shirt will be the last thing I ever bought at the now closed Hot Topic in the Cumberland Mall. How appropriate in a sad way. I guess the topic wasn't so hot after all.

In other news, my wee Scottish darling sent me a package of things to celebrate the birth of me and Jesus. Better late than never! And though she somehow forgot to stick Kylie's new album in (boo, that whore), I think I made out pretty dayuum good. I can't hate! It's weird that around this time last year, I had just seen her in NYC! I hope that if 2008 can't be a year that I see her that 2009 will be! If I go too long without a visit, I get kidney failure due to separation anxiety. It's true, it is.

Friday, January 25, 2008

killing time won't stop this crime

Finally, after much too long, I gave dirty, stinky Gizmo a bath. Bath time isn't fun for anybody in the small family between Gizmo and myself. He hates getting them and cries and whines and walks around the tub and I get a sore back/neck and frustrated. That's probably why I put off doing it as long as I can get away with it. But when the bath is over, the fun doesn't end. The part Gizmo loves most is next...

Did I say love? I meant hate.

After a bit of that, we switch over to the hair dryer. I'm not sure how he feels about this. It could go either way. You be the judge..

But in the end, all the struggle is worth while.


I hope you enjoyed this look into the life and bath of Gizmo Wilkerstinitious. I hope you'll tune in next time for God Know's What.

And in other news, today was stupid.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

there's a world out there, don't you deny me

Tonight Jamie and I took a day trip to our old stomping grounds and West Chester didn't know what hit it! I don't know if it was the hotness of our karaoke performances (hot like fi'ah!) or the fiery jealousy of people wishing they were cool enough to hang with the CMC, but Hubcap Jack's spontaneously combusted and we were lucky to get by without being taken up on any formal charges. But I don't think they can charge us for being awesome. I think Gretchen Wieners said it best when she said, "I don't think I should be punished for being well-liked." Be that as it may, sorry West Chester. We'll try to be less awesome next time... SIKE! LOLZ!

It would have rocked harder if it was a Coke, but sometimes I enjoy a Pepsi so now I can enjoy two for the price of one! Plus, everything tastes better when it's free!! Moreover, I haven't won anything on a cap in YEARS. This has been the best Hump Day in months!

Asides from the drunk men hitting on us, that is. I just want to say to all the dudes out there trying to find love. Nothing about you getting drunk at a bar is going to make me want to go home with you. I am not wooed by your slurred speech or uninvited shoulder/back touching. Asking us if we're married or lesbians is certainly not going to help your already hopeless case. Perhaps you should step back and see there's a much more obvious reason that I'm not paying you any attention and being somewhat rude to you. And it has nothing to do with my marital status or what's in your pants. And fuck those dudes for saying that. But fuck them like in the ass with something that they wouldn't enjoy. I don't want to misconstrued anything. Man, I really should always wear a ring of some sort on my left ring finger when I go out. Wedding bands/engagement rings to men are like citronella to mosquitoes.

Annnd...I'm spent.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

nothing really matters, love is all we need

Got up this morning to find that a heater fairy had come and left me a new heater. It's new and improved and swivels! It's doing a top notch job of warming this joint up and it's only on "low". But there is a few problems; it has the attitude of Kanye West and Gizmo is terrified of it. I hope it gets over itself and that we can all live in peace up here. And Eavvon, if you're looking for a less cocky, semi-functioning space heater, you know where you can get one! Drive on down to Jersey and pick this shit up!

In other news, RIP Heath Ledger. I plan to celebrate your life by not picketing your death.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

This is a perfect example of one of those shirts I really want because I think they're "ironic".

Monday, January 21, 2008

she built a skyscraper of procrastination

Some things that I hate right now:
Cold in general. It being as cold outside as I am young. When it's cold enough for the bottles of Fiji water we store outside to freeze, it's too cold. I don't know if you know this or not, but Fiji water resists freezing pretty well. I don't know why. I guess it's the bottles. Or the awesomeness that is Fiji water. One day they're going to say that Fiji water causes brain cancer or something. I'll be so mad.

Shrinking Jean Sizes.
In a country plagued with obesity, I guess this isn't an issue of importance to hardly anyone. But it's happening! It's unfair and annoying, but it's fo realz. The jeans I got last year that are size 0 fit me just fine. But this year a size 0 in the same store, in the same style are too big. So now, unfortunately, I have to wear a size 00. And it's absolutely the most aggravating thing to have people tell me that I'm lucky or that I shouldn't rub it in their faces like I've lost weight or something. Do people not understand that there is no smaller size after 00? Unless they start making something ridiculous like a triple 0, I'm going to have to start shopping at a children's store. It's stupid. It's no wonder people are so obese when clothing companies lie to them and tell them they are a much smaller size than they were last year when they're probably actually bigger! I'm 24. I don't want to shop in a kid's store. Angela from the Office may shop in the Gap Kids but I don't want to! The cuts of the clothes are not made for a woman's body. They're made for young girls. Moreover, the bigger child sizes are made for overweight young girls. They're not going to fit right and I can't afford to shop in NYC and buy $150 jeans. I hate marketing. Fuck marketing teams that exploit their consumers. Which is all marketing teams. Fuck.

Idiots on Myspace Like This:
When a random person on myspace adds you, I can see why you might send a message like this, but when a BAND adds you, is it really necessary? Seriously? Is anyone that stupid? It hurt my brain to find this message in my in-box after a few hours of friend adding. Stupid people hurt my brain. I fear they will eventually hurt it enough to make me like them.

LastFm Scrobbler
Once upon a time, I had lastfm and it was absolutely no problem. Then one day, it stopped working. Apparently, they had upgraded their scrobbler and I needed to upgrade to it too. But when I saw that it was this extra thing that you had to log onto and sat at the bottom of your screen, I said, "fuck it" and forgot about lastfm for a long time. Then for certain reasons I decided that I'd give it a try and downloaded the upgrades. And, as I suspected, I hated it. Moreover, my computer hated it. I wasn't sure what the problem was, but after downloading it, my computer was moving really slow. I thought maybe it had something to do with all the albums on my hard drive. Got them off. Still my computer was crawling. Then I was looking at the task manager last night and realized that the "LastFMHelper" was ranking a 98 or so in my processes and making my CPU run at nearly 100. Yet again I said, "fuck it" to lastfm and set out to uninstall it. It did not want to be uninstalled. It held on for dear life. But eventually, I rid myself of it. Miraculously, my computer is running like a young buck again! A couple days ago I tried to install photoshop from a disc someone let me borrow and it wasn't working for me. I'd click it and click it and it wouldn't do anything so I figured the disc was bogus. NOPE! Lastfm was just making it impossible for my computer to do ANYTHING because I tried it tonight and it did it IMMEDIATELY. So, fuck you, Lastfm, I'd rather have photoshop than your stupid ass!

I don't have any particular reason why. I just always hate Nathan.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

if she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood

Nothing new on Mouse Watch 2008. Gizmo found a ladybug, but that's about it. And it would figure that after I get a decent trap that the mice have all buggered off. But I guess that's alright with me. As long as there aren't anymore dead mice up here, I'm cool.

In other often blogged about news, J&theY played a show tonight at Photo by Phil in Westville. It's a new place. A venue created out of a photo studio. From the outside, it looks like it'll be kind of a small place. Purely a business front with no indication for the great stage set-up they have inside. When you get back to the stage area, it's quite big. Pretty impressive. I don't know why I didn't take a picture of THAT. There's long couches, a pool table, a huge bathroom with a bench, and awesome thrones! But all that seating and standing room was basically wasted considering that only a handful of people showed up. It's not easy to get people to come out. But the people that do are very encouraging and supportive of what we do. So, if we could just get a few more of those in a lot more cities maybe we could get something cookin'! But that's neither here nor there.

And PFFT to the $7 at the door. We didn't get paid shit and that dude made at least a whole $20! Shenanigans!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

when I rock the mic, I rock the mic right

Since Shanks was released from captivity Wednesday afternoon, things around here have been pretty uneventful mouse wise. Not to say that the room is mouse-less now. There's a mouse up here which we've just been calling "Desk Mouse". Named for his current fave location. Loves to come and walk around the many trinkets on my desk while I'm sitting here on the computer. These mice are not scared of me. I get no respect! Be that as it may, Desk Mouse doesn't cause anywhere near as much havoc as Shanks did. Last night he ventured away from the desk area for a moment, but when he was chased back into hiding by Gizmo, he never came out again. Haven't seen him all day thus far.

But today the non-lethal trap I ordered came (as pictured) and so we'll see how this works out considering that when I got home from the Fuel House tonight I realized that I had not set the trap correctly. I think I've got it set correctly now. So, Desk Mouse, you best enjoy freedom while you can! If you are lured by the scent of peanut butter (as I've read mice particularly love) you'll either be taking a nature walk soon or you'll be seriously fat on frosted mini wheats covered in peanut butter.

Either way, that's pretty win-win, DM. Think it over.

Anyway, back to my delicious penguin rice krispie pop. Maybe I'll mail my popsicle stick to Conan so he can finish spelling out the cry for help he was trying to write on his roof. I think he had an "H" thus far.

Stay tuned for more mouse coverage...

In other news, didn't J&theY kick ass at the Fuel House tonight? shii....

Thursday, January 17, 2008

snake doctor shakin like there's no tomorrow

After my post last night, things got pretty hairy. And I don't mean anything resembling hair. Last night I said how our little mouse buddy was acting a bit odd and slow after his 2nd near death experience. And I felt that gave Gizmo an unfair advantage and to protect the mouse until I went to bed (or figured out a better plan), I put Gizmo in his crate. Moments after doing this, Mr. Shanks decides he'll just come and hang out right outside the crate and chill. Gizmo noticed him as much as the mouse seemed to notice me; not hardly at all. I was pretty close and it wasn't running away from me. But I was still a bit weary of it and kept a safe distance. When it climbed over my slippers and stopped on the edge of my sheet, I cornered it with the slippers and this jar that I had been trying to coerce him into the past few nights. He didn't take any initiative in going in so I kept putting it closer and closer until finally I basically scooped him into it. I thought he was possibly on the verge of death, but once he was in there, he was fine. He was eating chips I had put in there and seemed fine. I guess Shanks was tired of being a fugitive. You can only run for so long. Relieved, I put the top securely on and went to bed.

Happy ending, right? Wrong!

Today I got up and took a shower straight away because I had to leave for a doctor's appointment at one. I come back upstairs and what do I find? Pretty much the thing I'd been trying to avoid throughout this whole ordeal. A dead mouse. Not Shanks, mind you. He was still safely and happily in his little glass entrapment. This was a mystery mouse. I was horrified. I just don't handle dead things well at all. Especially not cute little furry things. After freaking out about it for a little bit, I mustered up the courage to slide it into a box. Ugh. I know that it sounds completely ridiculous to most people, but it was terrible. For me it was terrible. Like I told my mom, I don't care if you kill mice. That's fine by me. Good for you. You must be a big man. But all I ask is that people respect my right to not want to do it and not giving me grief for being, in their opinion, overly compassionate. I can't help it.

Could I blog anymore about mice? Yes, I can.

After all this, I come home from the doctors and there's ANOTHER mouse in my room!! Amazon will you please send the trap I ordered already! I can't deal with this anymore! If I find this mouse dead in my room tomorrow I'm going to have a total meltdown!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

i never meant to cause you trouble

For the past few days I've been putting Gizmo down. Revoking his right to the title "schnauzer" or "terrier". But tonight he's proven me wrong. Before I explain, I think I should make it clear that I do not wish to kill Shanks; our little mouse perpetrator. I ordered a non-lethal trap so I could get him and remove him. I know it's stupid to most people because the mouse can possibly just come back, but I don't care. I just prefer to do it this way. I don't have the stomach to kill a little mouse. And tonight I saved Shanks little life at least two times. I under-estimated Gizmo and he nearly killed this mouse. Twice. He cornered the little dude behind the trashcan somehow and the only reason he escaped certain death is because I grabbed Gizmo's collar and wouldn't let him do what God intended. Later, he attacked Shanks again near the wardrobe and I think he either scared him stiff or he actually hurt him. He was acting pretty weird and not running away as fast. He seemed to recover and continue mouse activity, but I can't be sure. As far as I know, he's not dead.. yet. I really don't wish to think about the possibilities. I would just really like Amazon to hurry the flip up with this trap so I can not be dealing with this anymore. It's making me a little mental. I'm like seeing shit now. And thinking my hair is like something that it's not. Not to mention I haven't gotten to sleep before 7am for the past few days because Gizmo is constantly jumping up and trying to get at him. So, I've actually taken on the hours of the mouse. I sleep when it sleeps. I am actually nocturnal. I guess it probably would make sense to most people to just have let Gizmo murder it and be done with it, but Gizmo is too young to have a murder on his record and I'm too squeamish to handle a dead mouse.

Let this update stand as a formal apology for dissing my dog's natural born abilities.

ps. isn't this badass?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

havoc heavens!

Mousegate 2008 continues. "Shanks" the mouse is either very desperate for food or has figured out that I refuse to end his furry little existence and has been a lot more brave. He was just chilling behind a picture frame on the floor for a while this evening as I sat not far away on the computer. And where was Gizmo? Asleep on the bed! After I informed him yet again that he was fired from the schnauzer club, he got up off his lazy duff and got on the case. Gizmo P.I. in full effect. That is until he took it one paw too far along side my computer desk and stepped on the power strip thus shutting off my computer. Investigation is now halted.

As soon as Amazon ships it, I'll have a non-lethal mouse trap and detective Gizmo will have a holding pen for the perpetrator. Let's hope that's sooner than later. As cute as Shanks is, it's causing havoc around here!

Monday, January 14, 2008

one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

"The earliest records surrounding development of the Miniature Schnauzer in Germany come from the late 1800s. They were originally bred to be farm dogs in Germany, to keep mice and other vermin out of the barn...."
Gizmo is fired.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

you've got your big cheese

I haven't been updating regularly lately, but who has been?! ButI figure since today was the start of my infamous "birthday weekend" that I should make a point to post about it! As a special (pre) birthday surprise, Jamie and Lisa took me to the Camden Aquarium! Though Camden is a bit sketchy, their aquarium is awesome! I touched a live shark, ray, jelly fish, lobster and shrimp! Contrary to popular belief, the shrimp did not jump out of the water. But the aquarium had more than petable fish. There was huge sharks and sting rays and Caribbean fish and seals, and most importantly, penguins! I think they were pretty easy to steal in their location too....

Later, we + Nathan, Jimmy, and Don went bowling in Deptford thus mending the wrongs that were done last year in Downingtown. Though, some wrongs cannot be righted no matter what you do. I will just never have a strike. Some people in this world were not meant to experience them in the true sense of the word. But I can settle with being a spare king and also with losing. I went in saying I sucked at bowling and came out feeling the same way. Jamie, on the other hand, is a total poser. But I psyched her out, ruined her game, and still lost. But I forgive her because she's being an A+ friend and taking me to visit with penguins and accidentally fulfilling my wish to sing karaoke tonight. Not to mention "Chew Man".

Thanks Jamie and Lisa (and others) for a totally unique and special day in my history!
But this won't be the end of the party train. It continues on tomorrow!